Dispatches from Outland

2004-03-30T09:20:00.000-06:00

New Digs Department: Time for me to quit dilly-dallying about this, and time for you to update your bookmarks and blogrolls: Dispatches from Outland is officially moving here.

I'll leave the old content on this site alive as long as blogspot allows me to (mostly because I haven't figured out an easy way to migrate it all over to Squarespace).

2004-03-23T13:29:00.000-06:00

Telling My Own Stories Department: Continued from Wednesday.

Home from Thanksgiving, I pondered my puffy face and the rest of my complaints, and made an appointment with my family doctor.

The puffy face? Mild edema. He never speculated as to the cause; he told me to cut down on my salt intake and to spend half an hour every day riding my exercise bike. He prescribed an anti-inflammatory drug for my achy knee. And he just laughed off the weight gain. "You're getting older, your metabolism is slowing down. You can't eat like a teenager anymore." He did order some blood tests, but he didn't expect to find much.

About that same time, I started waking up in the early morning hours (a former boss referred to that time of day as "0-dark-thirty"), unable to get back to sleep. It gave me plenty of time to ride the exercise bike, but it was another curious symptom that seemed to point nowhere.

In mid-December, I shaved my beard because of a role I was playing in a church Christmas program. I was shocked to discover that I had a double-chin.

The anti-inflammatory drug was doing nothing for my knee, and the edema was getting worse rather than better, and my doctor was ready to admit that something was going on, but that he was stumped. The blood tests he had run didn't show anything out of the ordinary except that my thyroid was a bit on the sluggish side, which wasn't enough to explain everything I was experiencing. He said he was going to refer me to an interist.

This was beginning to get worrisome. I was not used to my doctor not being able to give me answers.

To be continued.

2004-03-19T08:48:00.000-06:00

Official Notices Department: Until further notice, I'll be cross-posting my blog entries here and over at my Squarespace site.

2004-03-19T08:46:00.000-06:00

This Day In History Department:

One year ago today, the United States military began it's famous race to Bagdad, launching the beginning of the end of the first Gulf War. (Yes, the first, not the second. What we have had for the past decade is a really long cease fire, but not the cessation of hostilities.) Over at the Corner, Michael Graham observes that one year ago today, a whole lot of things did not happen. Just a few examples:

One year ago today, terrorists in the West Bank were not mailed a $50,000 check after blowing up a pizza parlor filled with families.

[...]

And no 16-year-old girls were picked up by Uday Hussein's henchmen one year ago today. Soldiers were too busy stockpiling weapons to re-stock Uday's rape rooms.

[...]

One year ago today, there were no successful terrorist attacks on U.S. soil. Or on an American embassy, ship or military barracks. That was 365 days ago...and counting.

One year ago today, there was still a brutal dictator governing Iraq, one who had spent his life sponsoring terror, training and harboring terrorists, and using terror against neighbors, his citizens and his enemies abroad.

But on this day, one year ago, did he have any hope of continuing his war of terror?

He did not.

2004-03-18T15:28:00.000-06:00

Taking A Test Drive Department: I've been playing with a new "online web publishing service" called Squarespace. It offers rather a lot more than Blogger/Blogspot, including discussions, photo albums, and some really cool site management features. So far, I really like what I see. Head over to my test-drive site and let me know what you think. I may be moving in soon.

2004-03-17T08:48:00.000-06:00

Telling My Own Stories Department: (Continued from yesterday.)

It’s impossible to say when it started, really; the nature of this thing was such that its onset was almost imperceptible. I’ll just say it started Thanksgiving, 1989, when my wife’s aunt Irene asked why my face was so puffy.

“Is my face puffy?” I asked. I had used a mirror already that day and hadn’t noticed anything, but I looked again. My face was puffy, markedly so, and I had no idea why. I was 29 years old, and I had always thought I enjoyed excellent health. Why did my face look like that?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that there were other peculiar things going on with my body, some that had been going on for several months. For example, my back and shoulders were covered with a peculiarly ugly collection of blemishes. I’d had acne on my back in my teens, but not like this.

I would perspire profusely with the slightest exertion. When Paula and I went for walks, the sweat would literally drip off my face.

My right knee was giving me problems, too: a nagging, almost constant ache.

And without making any real changes in my activity level or eating habits, I had put on about 20 pounds in a short period. My eldest brother was greatly amused by my weight gain. He was convinced that it was nothing more than my metabolism slowing down, that age was catching up to me, and that I was in denial about it. But something about all this just didn’t seem right.

To be continued.

2004-03-16T20:45:00.000-06:00

Heartbreaking News: Just got the news that the son of some good friends killed himself last night. Please pray for his parents and sister.

2004-03-16T15:59:00.000-06:00

And Furthermore Department: Coming back for a moment to the same-sex "marriage" discussion that Jon and I have been having, here are a couple more views on this. First from Thomas Sowell, a discussion of the legal questions involved:

The last refuge of the gay marriage advocates is that this is an issue of equal rights. But marriage is not an individual right. Otherwise, why limit marriage to unions of two people instead of three or four or five? Why limit it to adult humans, if some want to be united with others of various ages, sexes and species?

Marriage is a social contract because the issues involved go beyond the particular individuals. Unions of a man and a woman produce the future generations on whom the fate of the whole society depends. Society has something to say about that.

Next, Donald Sensing explores the moral and religious aspects:

Marriage is primarily a social institution, not a religious one. That is, marriage is a universal phenomenon of human cultures in all times and places, regardless of the religion of the people concerned, and has taken the same basic form in all those cultures. Marriage existed long before Abraham, Jesus or any other religious figure. The institution of marriage is literally prehistoric.

The three monotheistic faiths (Judaism, Christianity and Islam) actually recognize this explicitly in their holy writings. The book of Genesis ascribes the foundation of marriage in the very acts of God himself in the creation of the world: "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him. . . . A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:18, 24).

The three great religions base their definition of marriage on these verses and others that echo them. In Christian theological terms, the definition of marriage is part of the natural law of the creation; therefore, the definition may not be changed by human will except in peril to the health of human community.

In both cases, RTWT (Read The Whole Thing).

(Links via Susan at Lilac Rose.)

2004-03-16T13:34:00.000-06:00

Telling My Own Stories Department:
Prologue

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. (Psalm 139:14)

The human body is a thing of mind-boggling complexity. Even if you just consider the mechanical aspects of the muscle and skeletal system, how it all works together in something as simple as walking... Strike that. There's nothing simple about walking. (Just ask the people trying to design a walking robot.)

Or have you ever considered what it is that makes you feel thirst? Our cells and our bodies need the right amount of water to function properly; too much can be as fatal as too little. And we're not just sponges that soak up water when it's available. The systems that maintain the proper balance of water in the body are dazzling in their elegance and intricacy Just one component of these systems are a group of cells in the hypothalmus that are sensitive to the water needs of the body. How do they do this? It appears that they can tell when cells shrink due to water loss. When that happens, these cells trigger the release of the hormone vasopressin by another group of cells. Vassopressin then causes the kidneys to absorb more water from the urine it's producing, and it also triggers the thirst center of the hypothalamus.

And then there's the endocrine system. Let me tell you a story...

(To be continued.)

2004-03-15T14:17:00.000-06:00

Another Day, Another Quiz Department: I didn't know one could be a Latin phrase.

Magister Mundi sum!
"I am the Master of the Universe!"
You are full of yourself, but you're so cool you
probably deserve to be. Rock on.

Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-03-12T15:23:00.000-06:00

Absolutely Brilliant Department: Have you ever watched a roomful of kids playing, marvelled at the energy they expend just having a good time, and thought "If you could bottle that energy, you'd make a fortune."?

Maybe nobody will ever figure out how to bottle it, but at least they've figured out one way to harness it without destroying the fun.

Kids run in a circle and push a merry-go-round faster and faster. Those who are seated on the ride, get dizzy from the speed...laughing and giddy from the force of gravity.

These kids are having so much fun, they don’t seem to realize they’re working. Then again, that’s the idea behind the Play-Pump…a merry-go-round with a mission.

The children push the merry-go-round again and again. As they run, a device in the ground beneath them begins to turn. With every rotation of the merry-go-round, water is pumped out of a well, up through a pipe, and into a tank high above the playground.

A few feet away from all the fun, students in uniform turn on a tap. Clean, cold drinking water pours out. This is Motshegofadiwa Primary School, 15 miles north of Pretoria. It’s in a town called Stinkwater; locals say there’s a good reason for that name. The water around here used to smell. School Principal Peter Banyana says the water supply was also erratic before the Play-Pump arrived.

2004-03-12T09:28:00.000-06:00

Now, Where Were We Department: As I said earlier, Jon Henke and I have been having a lively conversation in the comments of the Perfectly Pellucid Department post down below. My latest response was getting too long for the comments box, so here it is:

Jon stated that “Government does not - or should not - make law to engineer "proper" behaviour.” But that simply is not true. We have instituted governments and written laws for two basic reasons: protecting individual rights and promoting the common good. Both of these aspects of law "engineer proper behavior." For example, there is nothing inherently moral about driving on the right side of the road, or driving below a given speed. However, for public safety reasons, we have laws that govern driving, laws that define what is proper behavior behind the wheel of a car.

Jon also raised the issue of childbearing: “Childbearing is not the basis for marriage. We allow couples to marry when they cannot conceive, or have no desire to do so. “

Childbearing is not the basis for marriage, but it is absolutely a fundamental part of it. Yes, there are exceptions to that (couples who either cannot or choose to not bear children), but these exceptions result from something interfering with nature. Marriage is by it’s nature procreative. Same-sex relationships are by their nature sterile. And society does have a vested interest in childbearing and rearing, because society can’t survive without it.

If you consider the evidence dispassionately, it is abundantly clear that children raised in traditional two-parent families (that is, with a mother and a father) are far more likely to become productive and law-abiding citizens, individuals who contribute to society, enriching all our lives. Thus, on a purely practical level, it is in society’s interest to encourage traditional families, and the foundation of traditional families is the traditional union of a man and a woman that we (well, most of us anyway) know as marriage.

Jon said “It is not for the government to decide which bit of social engineering it would like to propogate. It it offers legal benefits, it should not be able to discriminate.”

I call “Bullshit!” Whole departments of our government exist for the sole purpose of social engineering. Federal, state and local governments engage in social engineering in a myriad of ways: welfare, social security, education, energy regulations, national parks, county agents, etc. (I will grant that many of their efforts are ill-conceived, poorly executed, or both, but that seems to be the nature of human activity, not just government bureaucracy.) It is nigh undisputable that rampant illegitimacy is the root of a whole host of social ills. Is it not in the public interest for government to not encourage it through liberal welfare programs?

In the case of rights, no the government should not discriminate. But in terms of “legal benefits,” the government can, does, and should discriminate all the time. Corporations have legal benefits that individuals do not, and vice versa. Full-time students have legal benefits not available to others, as do minors, and adults have legal benefits that minors do not. In the area of marriage, siblings, parents and children, and first cousins do not have the "legal benefit" of marrying each other (whether they would seek heterosexual or same-sex marriage).

In one comment, I asked Jon if he wanted to discuss the theological implications of this issue. He replied “Of course not. In a legal discussion, it has no place. That, though, is the disconnect. You see marriage as a "theological and sacred" institution. But we're not talking about the theological institution of marriage...we're talking about the LEGAL institution. “

Why then did you bring up the theological aspect of it? (It was you, by the way.) I’d be more than happy to discuss it, as I don’t think there’s a disconnect between the “theological and sacred” institution and the legal institution.

Regarding the legal institution, throughout the history of the U.S. – and to the best of our knowledge, throughout human history, in every country and culture, marriage has been understood to be a formal (and sometimes sacred) relationship between a man and a woman. As far as I know, there are no laws preventing any unmarried consenting adult from entering into marriage with an unmarried consenting adult of the opposite sex (with the exceptions I noted above: siblings, first cousins and parents or offspring).

Also, as far as I know, there are no laws barring a same-sex couple from entering into a contractual agreement for any or all of the following issues: inheritance, joint ownership of property, power of attorney, rights of survivorship, etc. So what is it about marriage that same-sex couples want so badly that they're willing to subvert the democratic process to get?

More importantly, how would society benefit from changing the definition of marriage and what evidence is there to support that contention?

2004-03-12T09:15:00.000-06:00

On This Day In History Department: The Internet is still reeling from the impact of an amazing phenomenon that began two years ago today: Dispatches from Outland.

<crickets chirping>

Well, Happy Birthday to my little blog, anyway.

2004-03-10T09:30:00.000-06:00

Just A Little Post Department: OK, I said real life has trumped blogging just a minute ago, but I had to post this little quote:

"I just think that, if God wanted telephones to be cameras, he wouldn't have given us separate eyes and ears. OK, maybe that's not the best analogy." -- David Coursey

2004-03-10T09:11:00.000-06:00

Please Stand By Department: Jon Henke and I have been having a lively discussion down in the comments section of the post "Perfectly Pellucid Department," and I told him that I'd be responding with a full post. Well, real life has once again trumped blogging, so I'm going to have to pone that post.

<FoghornLeghorn>"It's a, I say, it's a joke, son: the post will be poned. Postponed! Get it? Come on, son! Laugh! It's funny. (If the kid, I say, if the kid was any slower, he'd be run over by a glacier.)</FoghornLeghorn>

Feel free to toss in your two cents in the meantime.

2004-03-09T13:26:00.000-06:00

Take A Quiz Department:

You are Schroeder!

Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

This wasn't quite the result I expected, but I can see it.

2004-03-08T15:32:00.000-06:00

Noteable Quotes Department: "It's so much easier to love God when he doesn't let us hurt." -- Tony Woodlief

Go read the whole post. This is not a suggestionl, people.

2004-03-08T10:23:00.000-06:00

Rememberance of Things Past Department: Mark Butterworth had a good meditation recently on suffering, and it -- coupled with reading and hearing about Mel Gibson's movie "The Passion of the Christ" -- led me into some meditations of my own on the meaning of suffering.

The root of "passion" is pascho, "to suffer."

A few years ago, I was a patient at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. (My illness is a long story in and of itself. Perhaps I'll share it here one day.) One of the tests I underwent was called an octreotide scan. It's a type of nuclear medicine, which involves injecting the patient with some sort of isotope that's bonded with a protein. The protein goes to the target tissue, and then they put you in a scanner to see where the hot spots are. The scanner itself rotates around the body part being scanned, creating a three-dimensional picture of the target.

The procedure is not painful in and of itself. The "area of interest" when I was being scanned was my torso: everything from between my neck and my hips. To get a good scan of this area, they didn't want my arms in the way, so as I lay on the scanner bed, I had to hold my arms up above my head. I also had to remain motionless. For an hour and a half.

The technician helped me get lined up, with a pillow under my head and some more for me to rest my arms on, then started the machine and left the room.

An hour and a half is a long time to lay motionless with your arms in an unnatural position. At first I thought I was going to be fine laying that way, but as time went on, my arms and shoulders began to get more and more uncomfortable. I needed the pillows to be shifted a bit so I could put more of the weight of my arms on them, but I had no idea where the technician was. I didn't know if she'd hear me if I called. (In retrospect, I'm sure that if I had spoken up, someone could have come to my rescue, but I felt like I was alone and had to tough it out.)

After about half an hour, the muscle cramps started, mostly in my shoulders. I lay there, trying not to move, trying to keep my mind off the pain, and beginning to feel rather sorry for myself. Then it came to me that this was just a small taste of what Christ must have gone through in his hours hanging on the cross.

I read an article many years ago written by a medical doctor who had studied the physiological effects of being scourged and then nailed to a cross. (You can read more about this subject here.)
One of the things mentioned in that article was that having the arms stretched out at that angle, and then having the weight of the body hanging on them, coupled with dehydration from blood loss, would cause severe muscle cramping in the arms, shoulders, and into the rib cage.

So I lay there, feeling sorry for myself, but at the same time realizing that Christ had suffered far worse on my behalf.

A few weeks later, I underwent thoracic surgery (they removed the lower lobe of my left lung, and several of the lymph nodes in between my lungs). When I was in the ICU following my surgery, I was told by the nurses that I wasn't supposed to have any liquids by mouth for 24 hours after the surgery. I was on an oxygen mask, and water was being misted into that. I was also allowed to swab out my mouth with a damp sponge. During the day, I was doing alright with those measures, but in the early morning hours, I started feeling very thirsty. Again I started feeling pretty miserable and the self-pity began. And again, it came to me that Jesus probably suffered far worse thirst as he hung between heaven and earth.

He considered the prize to be worth the suffering.

How much am I willing to suffer for the things I prize? Where is my passion?

(Update: I reposted this entry with a few typos corrected. Just thought I'd let y'all know.)

2004-02-26T12:47:00.000-06:00

Perfectly Pellucid Department: Soundfury provides one of the best defenses of traditional marriage that I've seen in a while.

So how does a gay marriage impact me and my wife? Because it not only advances the prima facie falsehood that they are equal, but I am compelled to see the two as equivalent.

But why would I be required to respect their union? What makes marriage meaningful is its use as a form of social currency. When two people are married, it is a public confession of the most private relationship; furthermore, it is a mandatory, compulsory public endorsement thereof. In other words, when two people marry (apparently I’m not to use “man and woman” anymore), no matter how badly anybody (even their closest friends and family!) would dispute it, they have promised their affections to one another, and society is required to honor it. Sorry, guys, but nothing doing.

2004-02-23T13:24:00.000-06:00

Chew On Some Meat Department: I've never read Kierkegaard, but the folks at Bruderhof want to remedy that. They've made the book Provocations: Spiritual Writings of Søren Kierkegaard available as a free PDF. The editor of this collection, Charles E. Moore, says "this collection is meant to present in as concise a way as possible the “heart” of Kierkegaard."

Kierkegaard wrote industriously and rapidly, and under a variety
of pen-names, presenting various esthetic, ethical, and religious viewpoints on life. His writings display such a wide range of genre and style, and his thought covers such a variety of subjects that even he himself felt compelled to write a book to explain his agenda. Despite this, Kierkegaard was single mindedly driven. He writes in his Journal: “The category for my undertaking is: to make people aware of what is essentially Christian.”

2004-02-18T09:39:00.000-06:00

Smell The Color 9 Department: What do Valdimir Nabokov, Alexander Scriabin, Richard Feynman, Charles Baudelaire, Arthur Rimbaud, and Wassily Kandinsky have in common?

They were all synesthetes; that is, they could hear colors, feel sounds and taste shapes. New research is casting some interesting light on this phenomenon. It appears that people with synestheisia really do see, hear, and feel what they claim they do.

No one knows just how many people have the condition. Estimates range from one person out of every 300, to one out of every few thousand. The number is vague for obvious reasons. Some people learned early on not to talk about it out of fear of being regarded as odd. And those who have it tend to like it, so they don't feel a need to seek out medical help.

To take it away from them would be to deprive them of a special sense that may improve memory, and possibly stimulate creative instincts.

What an amazing way to experience the world.

2004-02-18T08:53:00.000-06:00

New Blog on the Block Department: Take a peek at Alcaide's Café, in particluar, Russell's story about Sally Mae Carson, a truly amazing woman.

Her house was a two-room unpainted shack, standing on two-foot high posts. Wood stove in the kitchen, two large beds, a couple of chairs, were about all the furnishings there were for her and the eight children still living at home. Her husband came occasionally in the night, but only for a few hours to talk and see his family. Then he had to disappear. His life was always at risk, because she was a very public “civil rights bitch”. You see, chivalry usually spared the lives of the women in the movement, but not the men. Sally Mae had suffered beatings, but nothing too damaging. Not like Fannie Lou Hamer, her close friend who later ran for Congress. Fannie Lou was seriously injured, partially crippled, as I recall.

Anyway, Sally Mae had had 22 children, by the time I met her. Most were gone, moved up north or off to other towns, but eight still crowded the little shack. I was stuffed in right along with the rest. They never felt one more person was too much. And obviously, Sally Mae never thought abortion was an option, or a necessity for the sake of better living standards or opportunities for the first-born.

2004-02-13T13:47:00.000-06:00

Forest And Trees Department: The human heart has a seemingly endless capacity for self-deception. We seem to be able to stare the truth down at point-blank range for months or even years at a time and not admit to ourselves or to others what it really is.

Take, for example, the cast and crew of the movie trilogy based on JRR Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings. Peter Jackson and crew have done a remarkable job of adapting the professor's work to the screen. In my opinion, they've managed to keep true to the spirit of the book (for the most part, anyway; I have some quibbles, but that's all they are-quibbles).

Despite the quality of the product, however, some of them apparently haven't a clue as to what Tolkien was really writing about, judging from Megan Basham's report "Tolkien v. Jackson," over at Boundless.

For example:

Asked specifically about the religious elements in the trilogy, actor Orlando Bloom (Legolas) made a vague reference to an awareness of the "spirit" and "energy" that defined Tolkien's writing. Further pressed to define that "spirit," he seemed to strain for words, speaking once again about the film and his own experience rather than the book in question: "It's very positive. … It's about a group of strangers, of mixed races, putting aside all of their … differences to come together to make a difference. … And New Zealand, which is a classless society in many respects … that we were all treated with equality there had an effect on us when making this film. … "

Did he even read the books? Nothing in that response leads me to believe he did.

Actor Ian McKellan took a different tack on the question of the books' religion altogether, refusing even to acknowledge that there are any Christian undertones in the them. Flying in the face of Tolkien's own assessment, McKellan stated, "I wouldn't say there's an appeal in this story to any particular set of beliefs… I note with delight that Hobbiton is a community without a church. … There is no set of beliefs in this story, no credo."

And there are no homosexuals in the book, either. Right Ian? So what ridiculous conclusions should we make from that factoid?

Viggo Mortensen has already demonstrated that he can only recite the same old tired twaddle when it comes to politics, thus, his statements weren't surprising in the least.

Though he played Aragorn, great warrior and defender against monstrous evil on screen, Viggo Mortensen the actor was reluctant to pass value judgments, or even admit that the trilogy does so: "It's [The Lord of the Rings] not necessarily promoting one particular philosophy … but saying that if you accept that there are differences in the world and are prepared to embrace those differences, to approach the world in a positive, loving way, you may actually be able to change the nature of the human race." One wonders how the Fellowship would have fared had they simply "accepted" and "embraced" the Orcs "differences."

Don't you know? We simply must show the Orcs and Sauron that we just want to get along with them.

It's not clear from Basham's report whether John Rhys-Davies was present at this press event. But judging from some things he's said that have been reported in other venues, I think there's a strong possibility his answers might have differed from his co-stars.

2004-02-05T08:55:00.000-06:00

Flush the 60s Department: James Lileks notes that a John Kerry speech ended with the Jimi Hendrix tune "Purple Haze." The idea of revisiting the 60s and the whole Vietnam war leaves him less than enthusiastic.

God no. Please no. I think I speak for millions when I say that I am deathly sick of the counterculture sixties. The music, the war, the protests, all the hagiography - it's not a reflection of the era’s importance but the self-importance of the generation who hung on the bus as it trundled along down the same old rutted road of history.. I’m tired of hearing about the boomers’ days of whine and neuroses; I’m weary of ritual genuflection to their musical icons; I’m utterly disinterested in most of the pop-cult trivia they hold so dear. We’ll probably be better off when that demographic pig has been excreted from the python so we can see the era clearly without choking on the smoke.

What's the message here? John Kerry is best suited to lead us in the present war because he was a prominent opponant of the last one, which we lost. John Kerry led the fight to leave South Vietnam to the mercies of the North. John Kerry would rather lose a theater for the right reasons than win it for reasons the critics derided. Dress it up however you like, but that’s what it came down to; college students marched not against the Vietnamese war but the American participation in that conflict. Anyone fill the Mall in DC to protest the reeducation camps? Any Solidarity with the Boat People committees formed on campuses after the fall of the south?

"...days of whine and neuroses." That's a keeper.

He also vents a bit about Patrick Stewart's latest pronouncements that exploring space is a bad idea.

2004-02-04T12:19:00.000-06:00

Pushing Back The Boundaries Of Stupidity Department: The spam I've been receiving of late is so poorly spelled (in an attempt to get past spam filters) as to be virtually incomprehensible. Here are a few examples:

Suwper chafrge your lojve liwfe!
Orfder your Vkiagora and Saupter Vihaglra sahfely and securmely onlipne.

Cixalxis (Sukper Vieaxgra) takes affject riglht away and latsts for darys!

Genneoric Vizagyra coests 60% leses, sagve lots of cadsh!

Both prodzucts shiepped discreetely to your donor

That gem came with the subject line of "bonito coxcomb." "Genneoric Vizagyra"? That sounds like a malady, not a medication.

Another, with the subject "delicatessen rex," offers "The hemalthy way to loyse fhat and keep it owff." Huh. I thought that something was good if it was "fhat." (Or is that "phat?") And "owff" is what the villains say when Batman punches them in the gut.

I'm not sure what's more pathetic: someone who puts out an advertising message that looks as if it was typed by a poorly trained chimpanzee, or that there are people out there who actually respond to these things.

2004-02-02T09:23:00.000-06:00

Bandwagon Department: I'll join the happy throng of post-Super Bowl commenters with a couple of observations.

First, the game (especially the second half) was one of the best Super Bowl games in recent history. I really didn't have a horse in this race, I just wanted an entertaining game, and I got it. I'll leave the in-depth analysis to others more qualified, but it seemed to me that the outcome really hinged on two things:

1. Penalties against the Panthers. There were far too many stupid penalties against Carolina, and several of them broke their momentum.

2. You can look at this one from two directions. Either Carolina's offensive line wasn't giving Delhomme enough protection, or the Patriots defensive line was too strong for the Panthers. Either way, Delhomme didn't have as much time to make passes as Brady did. Even so, he made some amazing passes, and if he'd had more time to find a receiver, the outcome could have been very different.

Now as for the halftime "show" it was a complete waste of time. I wasn't shocked (which was what MTV was promising--or threatening, depending on our point of view). I was bored and offended (if that combination is possible). And with Nelly saying "take off all your clothes" and Justin Timberlake singing he wanted to "have you naked by the end of this song," why would anyone be shocked when he tore Janet Jackson's top open? The whole affair was lame.

Now, when U2 performed in 2002, that would have been a great show if you could have heard it better.

2004-01-30T09:24:00.000-06:00

Just Plain Sillier Department: And more penguins! This time it's Kevin of 3-2-1 Penguins!

2004-01-30T09:10:00.000-06:00

Got Religion? Department: Over in The Corner, Michael Graham notes a phenomenon he calls "C&E Christians," where C&E stands for "Campaign and Elections."

Wesley Clark joined Howard Dean in the ranks of "Campaign & Elections Christians" last night when he told the debate audience: "I went to church every Sunday and I did all that, and I can quote Scriptures and so forth.''

"...and so forth?" Yeah, that Jesus fella is really neat!

You know, if white candidates went to a hip-hop forum on BET and said "Yo, doggies, I'm jiggy with my housebuddies, let's hang in my cribbage!", they would get pounded, and rightfully so. It's not just pandering, it's insulting, insincere and (most annoying) incompetent pandering.

Why do the media give these knuckleheads a pass? Is it because the elite media types think this hokum works on dull-witted Christians? Or do they assume that everyone who claims to be a believer is insincere anyway?

Well, there are plenty of examples of people claiming to be believers who are insincere; some are better at faking sincerity than others.

What amuses me is the sight of all these candidates trying to stake out a bit of territory on the west side of the Jordan as it were (especially when it's done as clumsily as Clark did here, and when Dean picked Job as his favorite New Testament book), when President Bush has been excoriated by the elites for his open expressions of faith.

2004-01-28T08:50:00.000-06:00

That's Just Plain Silly Department: Penguin Batting.

2004-01-20T14:00:00.000-06:00

Noteable Quotes Department:

“We no longer dare to believe in beauty and we make of it a mere appearance in order the more easily to dispose of it. Our situation today shows that beauty demands for itself at least as much courage and decision as do truth and goodness, and she will not allow herself to be separated and banned from her two sisters without taking them along with herself in an act of mysterious vengeance. We can be sure that whoever sneers at her name as if she were the ornament of a bourgeois past — whether he admits it or not — can no longer pray and soon will no longer be able to love.” -- Hans Urs Von Balthasar

(This quote was found in an article on the apparent triumph of style over aesthetics in our culture, by the inimitable Roberto Rivera y Carlo. Go. Read. Ponder.)

2004-01-20T13:31:00.000-06:00

Parables and Stories Department: A certain man was the master of a large household, with many fields, a large vineyard, and large flocks of sheep. One day, he gathered his servants and told them he was leaving to go on a long journey. He gave them clear and detailed instructions about what they were to occupy themselves with while he was away: ''Till the fields and scatter good seed. When the time is right, bring the harvest into my granaries. Watch over my vineyard, keep the watchtower and wall in good repair, and get ready to gather the grapes. Tend my flocks, protecting my sheep from wolves and leading them to good pasture and still, clear water. Take care of each other, and teach your children to work with you, following everything I have instructed you to do. When I return, I will reward you for your faithful labor."

And then he left.

For some time, things went well for the servants, even though the work was hard, and their master had enemies who tried to thwart their efforts (even to the extent of killing some of the servants). In spite of the difficulties, they pressed on, keeping true to their master's commands, and looking with great anticipation to his return. But the weeks passed and turned to months, and the months turned to years, and still the master did not return.

And things slowly began to unravel.

Some of the servants began tarrying at the gate, looking up and down the road. "Our master has been gone so long, surely today is the day he'll come back." They spent more and more time watching and waiting, while their tools became rusty and their muscles weak.

Some servants began to argue amongst themselves about just exactly what the master's commands meant. They argued so much and with so much heat that they would often drop their hoes, shepherd's rods and pruning shears to carry on the arguments, standing nose to nose, shouting and gesticulating at each other, while the weeds grew up in the fields, the vineyard wall began to crumble, and the sheep wandered aimlessly.

Some went out to the fields as if to work, but then slipped off to the nearby town to visit the markets and taverns. After a time, many of these no longer even pretended to go out to work. They went out the gate and headed directly to the town, and some even took up residence there.

A few remained faithful to their master's instructions. They tried to persuade their fellow servants to come with them to the fields and the vineyard as they went out the door. But they devoted their hearts to sowing the seed and gathering the crops, taking care of the vineyard, and tending the flocks with the same care they saw their master lavish on his sheep.

When the man returned, to which group of servants to you think he said "Well done."?

2004-01-20T11:04:00.000-06:00

Vivid Imagery Department: I had to laugh out loud when I read Jonah Goldberg's description of Howard Dean's now infamous "YEEEAAARRRGGGHHHH!"

...whatever it was, he sounded like he meant to go to a proctologist but accidentally visited a chimney sweep instead.

2004-01-19T13:37:00.000-06:00

Just Asking Department: Bene Diction is a Canadian blogger who should be one of your regular reads. Bene (a pseudonym) has been wrestling with the mills of government bureaucracy for a while now and getting nowhere at blazing speeds. For a sample, read this and this. Then, somebody please answer me this: How is it even remotely conceivable that we can fix what's wrong with the US medical system by putting the government in control?

I think we'd be far better of by putting the nuns back in charge.

2004-01-19T09:11:00.000-06:00

Noteable Quotes Department: “Push back against the age as hard as it pushes against you. What people don't realize is how much religion costs. They think faith is a big electric blanket, when of course it is the cross.” -- Flannery O'Connor (via The Corner)

2004-01-15T14:14:00.000-06:00

Definitely No/Yeah Department:

"In my family, when we were little, television was somewhat of a bonding experience. When we were young my father was very busy, he came home late every night and he didn't see us much. But when he came home, we'd watch The Three Stooges together, Abbott and Costello. We thought that was just terrific stuff. We'd just sit there and watch it together."--Howard Dean, interview with People magazine, Jan. 8

"In general, I'm not a fan of TV. I grew up without a TV."--Howard Dean, same interview

From Best of the Web Today.

2004-01-15T08:56:00.000-06:00

That Ain't Fair Department: Heard this one from Rush yesterday, and I couldn't quit laughing for a while. My oldest daughter, Tish, thought it was pretty unbelievable as well. Seems that the addicts in West Virginia are paying inflated prices for their coke (Link requires registration).

West Virginia residents are paying more for illegal drugs than people in other states, a study says.

Statistics complied by the National Drug Intelligence Center and announced by U.S. Attorney Kasey Warner, said state residents pay more for powder cocaine than any other area of the country, except for parts of Vermont, Virginia, South Carolina, North Dakota and Montana.

...

[Warner] said one reason West Virginians pay more could be because of the state’s remoteness and low population compared to other eastern states. But he also thinks drug dealers are trying to dupe the state’s residents.

I'm reminded of anecdote I've read about a genius who came to the police station to complain that the heroin he had just purchased was of inferior quality.

2004-01-09T09:06:00.000-06:00

Life Imitates Monty Python Department: The Mudville Gazette notes some striking similarities between some participants in an anti-Bush demonstration and the People's Front of Judea. (Or is that the Judean People's Front?)

If Will Rogers ("All I know is what I read in the papers.") were alive today, he'd have no end of material to work with.

2004-01-09T08:49:00.000-06:00

Not The Unexamined Life Department: One of the things I've few thinking abut related to this blog is the time I've spent on it and the amount I've written. I started looking at my archives and it came to me: by spending just a few minutes every day for the past year writing, I've generated enough words to fill a reasonably sized book. However, rather than a work that zeros in on a single topic, I have several thousand words about scattered topics in a blog that very few people read. So has this blog been the best use of my time, energy and creativity?

And if I were to begin writing a book, what would I write about?

And then I start the negative self-talk: ''Do you really think you have what it takes to write a book that anyone in the world would be interested in reading? Who are you trying to kid?" (I do have a couple of ideas: a book examining some of the characteristics of wisdom as revealed in Proverbs, and a retelling a Old Testament story in the mode of Fred Buechner or Real Live Preacher. And then that little voice starts in again: "You think you could write something like that as good as Buechner or that RLP guy? Hah!")

All of which brings me to this blog. Seems like every blogger I've been reading for the past year or so eventually gets to a point where they start evaluating what their blog is about, and why they write it. Some decide to quit blogging. Some keep doing what they're doing. Some reinvent their blog.

And it seems like it's my turn. I would welcome any thoughts from anyone who's been here already.

2003-12-30T17:10:00.000-06:00

Not Dead Yet Department: No, I haven't given up blogging. But I am taking a much needed break from work, and also giving my blogging habit a rest as well. (OK, I did break down today and visit The Corner and Instapundit. But that's all. Honest!)

Here's hoping you and yours enjoyed a wonderful Christmas, and that your new year will be prosperous in all the ways that matter. I'll be back in the saddle in a few days.

2003-12-16T09:38:00.000-06:00

Good Advice Department: Things NOT to do while watching The Return of the King.
1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait...where the hell is Harry Potter?"
2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming, "YOU.....SHALL....NOT..... PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
3. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says, "the Ring."
4. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
5. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.
6. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mis..ter Ander-sonnn."
7. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"
8. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.
9. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep," Monty Python style.
10. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"
11. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout, "RUN FOREST, RUN!"
12. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
13. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"
14. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
15. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
16. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.
17 When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for a tense moment and shout, "I see dead people!"
18. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.
19. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theater during the Shelob scene.
20. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of California.
21. When Shelob comes on, exclaim, "Man!Charlotte's really let herself go!"

(Spotted on Slashdot, where it had been stolen from a Geocities site, where it was attributed to James Green.)

2003-12-15T10:07:00.000-06:00

An Early Present Department: For a moment, I thought I was dreaming when the radio turned on Sunday morning, and the gentle voice announced that Saddam had been captured.

When I saw the photo, my immediate thought was "They caught Karl Marx?" (Glenn Reynolds thinks he looks more like Charles Manson.)

What do you think, folks? Marx or Manson? (Use the Comments box to cast your vote.)

UPDATE: Rush just said he looked like Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber.

2003-12-12T09:56:00.000-06:00

Not Taking Themselves Too Seriously Department: Nursery rhymes show a cynical disregard for injuries. At least, that's what a pair of researchers say.

Sarah Giles and Sarah Shea, from Dalhousie University in Halifax, Canada, say Humpty Dumpty should have been put on a spinal board immediately after his big fall.

...[The researchers] added the presence of all the King's men suggests a "shocking lack of crowd control".

They ask: "Could the crowded scene explain the inability of the responders to put Humpty Dumpty together again?"

Giles and Shea also note that the baby in "Rock-a-bye Baby" was at risk of serious injury in the fall from the tree-top, and that "the fact the child was in the tree in the first place suggests a reprehensible lack of parental responsibility."

Before you get too worked up about pointy-headed ivory-tower types with too much time on their hands, the researchers submitted these findings in a satirical letter to the Canadian Medical Association Journal.

2003-12-10T15:52:00.000-06:00

Doing My Part Department: You want miserable failure? I'll show you miserable failure.

Confused? Here's the explanation.

2003-12-10T09:35:00.000-06:00

Take A Quiz Department: This seems about right...

Congratulations! You're Merry!

Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-12-10T08:54:00.000-06:00

What Do Humanitarians Eat? Department: Now this is just sick: celebrities getting wads of cash or gifts for appearing at charity events.

A California court case is providing a peek at celebrities and charity work, with such names as Bill Cosby and David Schwimmer being used to illustrate the limits of largess.

Examining some 2,000 pages of court documents related to the mail fraud prosecution of Southern California promoter Aaron Tonken, the Los Angeles Times revealed Monday how celebrities "line their pockets'' with fees from charity events.

Cosby was in line to get a $75,000 fee and $10,000 in expense money to accept a Humanitarian Award at a UCLA cancer research benefit earlier this year. (His spokesman told the paper Cosby would have waived the fee if the event had gone off, but it was canceled after Tonken's troubles emerged.) Schwimmer got two Rolex watches worth some $26,000 before an appearance at a charity gala that benefitted the John Wayne Cancer Institute.

Other celebs cited by the Times included Ray Charles getting $75,000 for singing four songs at a benefit for disabled children and Paul Anka picking up $100,000 to perform three songs at a hearing-aid foundation gala in Minnesota. Comedienne Roseanne Barr, after she agreed to emcee a benefit gala, was gifted with a $60,000 "rib run'' to a restaurant in Canada, via private jet, that included $350 worth of caviar on board and an $11,500 shopping spree in Windsor, the Times reported.

Can't any of these people afford to just give their precious time to a deserving charity? I think Mark Butterworth says it best:

Call me hopelessly romantic about compassion, but it seems to me that even were I rich and famous, that should I decide the National Psoriasis Foundation is worthy of support -- I think it should cost me to help it, and not the organization.

2003-12-09T09:08:00.000-06:00

About Time Department: I've long thought that John Lennon's song Imagine is one of the most overrated songs imaginable. OK, maybe the melody is alright, but the lyrics! The words to that song have always given me the screaming heebie-jeebies. And I'm not the only one. Joel Engel has given the song the fisking it so richly deserves. For example:

Imagine there's no heaven . . . No hell below us . . . Imagine all the people living for today. Okay, let's imagine that; let's imagine six billion people who believe that flesh and blood is all there is; that once you shuffle off this mortal coil, poof, you're history; that Hitler and Mother Teresa, for example, both met the same ultimate fate. Common sense suggests that such a world would produce a lot more Hitlers and a lot fewer Teresas, for the same reason that you get a lot more speeders / murderers / rapists / embezzlers when you eliminate laws, police, and punishment. Skeptics and atheists can say what they like about religion, but it's hard to deny that the fear of an afterlife where one will be judged has likely kept hundreds of millions from committing acts of aggression, if not outright horror. Nothing clears the conscience quite like a belief in eternal nothingness.

And he doesn't stop there.

Link via J Bowen who also has a great link to an article about what the media isn't telling us about stem cell research.

2003-12-05T13:47:00.000-06:00

Nothing To See Here, Keep Moving Department: I'm getting all sorts of people coming here searching for the "Abercrombie & Fitch Christmas Field Guide." Yes, I did talk about it, but folks, if you're looking for the guide itself, you've come to the wrong place.

Update: It's getting worse. I've had a surge in page views starting yesterday and it looks to be continuing today, and roughly 80% of them are using some variation of those words. And what's the big deal, anyway? It isn't as if it's that hard to find pr0n online, is it? The field guide probably isn't all that special, when you get right down to it. But then, what of that nature is?

Washes Whiter Than Department

2003-12-04T22:15:00.000-06:00

It's In Your Box Of Crayolas Department: As usual, Mr. Chesterton gets it exactly right.

One of the wise and awful truths which this brown paper art reveals, is this, that white is a colour. It is not a mere absence of colour; it is a shining and affirmative thing, as fierce as red, as definite as black. When, so to speak, your pencil grows red hot, it draws roses; when it grows white hot, it draws stars. And one of the two or three defiant verities of the best religious morality, of real Christianity, for example, is exactly this same thing; the chief assertion of religious morality is that white is a colour. Virtue is not the absence of vices or the avoidance of moral dangers; virtue is a vivid and separate thing, like pain or a particular smell. Mercy does not mean not being cruel, or sparing people revenge or punishment; it means a plain and positive thing like the sun, which one has either seen or not seen.

Chastity does not mean abstention from sexual wrong; it means something flaming, like Joan of Arc. In a word, God paints in many colours; but he never paints so gorgeously, I had almost said so gaudily, as when He paints in white. In a sense our age has realised this fact, and expressed it in our sullen costume. For if it were really true that white was a blank and colourless thing, negative and non-committal, then white would be used instead of black and grey for the funereal dress of this pessimistic period. Which is not the case.

And black isn't the opposite of white, either. I never really bought that whole yin/yang thing. Granted, there are things in the universe that have polar opposites, but many things that we think of in those terms, really don't fit that model. Good and Evil, for example. If it were true, the you could speak of a perfect good (which you can, and that is God), and a perfect evil. But every evil that exists is merely the corruption of something good. But no matter the extent of the corruption, something of the good is still to be recognized in the evil, even if it is only the vague outline of the good that once was.

(Link via Orrin Judd.)

2003-12-01T16:57:00.000-06:00

Punchline Contest Department: What do you call 9,500 French diplomats going on strike?

A good start!

OK, I'm recycling the punchline from a lawyer joke. Think you can do better? Submit your punchline in the Comments!

2003-12-01T10:58:00.000-06:00

Coming Back To Good News Department: Back in the saddle, well fed and rested, and happy to read that Abercrombie and Fitch, purveyors of clothing and porn, have decided to stop selling the infamous "field guide" in their stores.

Four days before the official start of the Christmas shopping season — Abercrombie, known for overpriced clothes and underdressed models — ordered its 651 stores to stop selling "The Christmas Field Guide," the latest edition of the company's pornographic quarterly magazine. It's evidently the start of a permanent ban on selling the quarterly in stores, and it's evidence that when enough people get mad — and take action — even the most libertine companies will sometimes back down.

Maybe there is a chance of teaching these people the meaning of shame.

2003-11-25T08:35:00.000-06:00

You Want To Live Forever? Department: Scientists have discovered that the lowly red sea urchin seems to be practically immortal.

Life for the red sea urchin might be brutish but it certainly is not short: scientists have discovered the spine-covered creature can live for 200 years.

The downside, as Jonah Goldberg points out, is that they have to spend their entire lives as sea urchins.

2003-11-20T10:36:00.000-06:00

And Your Point Is? Department: Ripped from the headlines at Fox News, "PETA Delays Ad Poking Fun at Clay Aiken."

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has delayed a new ad campaign with the slogan "Get Neutered, It Didn't Hurt Clay Aiken," while it waits to see if Aiken will apologize for negative comments he made about cats, PETA officials said Tuesday.

"If Clay Aiken intends on staying famous, he has to learn to take a joke," said Dan Mathews, vice president of the Norfolk, Va.-based animal rights group.

The ad features the crass puppet Triumph the Insult Comic dog (search) from "Late Night" with Conan O'Brien urging pet owners to spay or neuter their animals. The barb came from Triumph, but PETA allowed the ad because of an interview Aiken gave to Rolling Stone Magazine in June where he said he didn't like cats.

PETA: so far beyond parody that they can't even see it's backside.

2003-11-19T13:24:00.000-06:00

Quite Beyond My Ability To Comprehend Department: The LA County Sherrif's Department has issued an arrest warrant for Michael Jackson in a child molestation case. My question is simple: Given Jackson's history, what parent in their right mind would let their child within 100 yards of that . . . person? (I was going to use a different word, but thought better of it.)

2003-11-19T09:06:00.000-06:00

Mediums And Messages Department: While we were driving to school the other day, Tish and I heard an announcement for some upcoming event featuring someone described as "a dynamic speaker." Tish said that she heard a speaker at a youth conference say that it isn't the speaker that's important, but the message. She said that he made a comparison between a person who is a speaker and the hardware that is a speaker, and said that "You never hear someone say 'I heard the greatest speaker [referring to the hardware kind] this weekend!'" If they are talking about that sort of scenario, they talk about what they heard. (I added "And a speaker doesn't do much without a good amplifier.")

I was at a Promise Keepers event some years ago, and as the first speaker was talking, I was a bit underwhelmed. He was someone I'd never heard of, and it didn't seem to me that he had a very dynamic, compelling presentation for his message, which was primarily a call to repentance (as is usual for the first speaker at PK events). However, when he closed with an "altar call," the response was overwhelming. Hundreds of men began streaming down to the floor of the stadium. A friend who was there with me later observed that he was also not impressed by the speaker, but when he saw the response, it dawned on him that "He wasn't talking to me. The message was effective for the people it was intended for." And that, I think, was a message as well: God was saying "Don't focus so much of your attention on the speaker, on the hardware. Pay attention to the message."

2003-11-17T13:15:00.000-06:00

Please Stand By Department: Yes, I know my blogroll is boogered up. And I'm not the only one. It appears that Blogrolling is having problems, so we'll just have to wait.

UPDATE: Looks like it's fixed. I think it's time I quit free-riding and pony up for Blogrolling Gold.

2003-11-14T08:30:00.000-06:00

I'd Pay Money To See That Department: James Lileks gives Michael Moore and Ted Rall exactly what they deserve, a dismissive wave of the hand, and then gets down to the real meat, with a scenario I'd love to see.

I want someone to ask [Howard] Dean this question in the Presidential debate: “Governor Dean, one of your wealthiest backers has compared America in 2000s with German in the 1930s. Do you agree with this analogy?” The only acceptable answer to my ears is “No, I don’t.” Period. Any elaboration, any “no, buts,” any “nevertheless there are worrisome trends” will mark Howard Dean as a truly dangerous man, for he will show himself willing to use the most debased and paranoid argument in modern politics to put his butt in the big chair.

So how come nobody--well, hardly anybody--in the media asks these questions to anybody left of center? I'm not asking them to quit grilling conservatives; I'd just like to see the same treatment dished out to Hillary, Ted, Tom, Chuck, Dick, et al.

2003-11-13T15:27:00.000-06:00

Song Of The Day Department:

Turn This Off
from the album "Songs of the Heart"
Words by Terry Taylor
Music by Daniel Amos
©1995 Twitchen Vibes Music (ASCAP)

Too many empty heads
Cold hearts, eyes dead
Inert and inbred
Drugs guns and hot lead
Pierced, spiked and tattooed
Religious yahoo
Hot tempers, cheap booze
Nothin' here but bad news

The center can't hold now,
We don't have the know-how
Throw it in the hoosegow,
Jesus comin' anyhow

Booted up and head shaved
Merciless and enraged
Broke and brooding ingrates
Faithless, cunning inmates
Ferocious looking braggarts
Vacuous and hell-bent
Where are the plain folk,
The charitable and decent?
Where are the love songs?
I wonder where the joy went

Turn this off
Turn this off...

Too many empty heads
Cold hearts, eyes dead
Inert and inbred
Drugs guns and hot lead

The center can't hold now,
We don't have the know-how
Throw it in the hoosegow,
Jesus comin' anyhow

Booted up and head shaved
Merciless and enraged
Broke and brooding ingrates
Faithless, cunning inmates

Last days, last chance
Too late to turn around
If this is all in plain sight,
What about the Underground?

Where are the plain folk,
The charitable and decent?
Where are the love songs?
I wonder where the joy went
Turn this off
Turn this off
Turn this off

2003-11-11T16:55:00.000-06:00

I Got Yer Quagmire Right Here Department: So someone at The Corner mentions the "quagmire" in education, and the Instapundit is running with it. And where did you see it first, loyal readers?

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

Things You'll Never See Department: Democrats complaining that the Department of Education is getting involved in a quagmire ("The situation is deteriorating rapidly; I don't think we realize what we've gotten ourselves into"), and questioning requests for more funding ("I want to know exactly what this money will be used for").

posted by Roy M. Jacobsen at 9:09 AM

Advantage: Outland!

2003-11-11T15:45:00.000-06:00

On The Other Foot Department: Is this successful grass-roots mobilization, or an illustration of the dangerous power of extremist groups? Here's the scenario:

Browning Construction Co., one of Texas' largest construction companies, backed out of a project to build offices for the National Rifle Association. A coalition of gun-control activists stopped construction 30 days after it began. Leading the effort was a newly created group--the Austin Area Concrete Contractors and Suppliers Against Gun Violence. The Association's chairman, Chris Danze, labeled the NRA, "the most powerful special interest lobby in America, which has gone to every extreme to block or weaken sensible gun laws."

The Association's boycott of the project achieved complete success. Every concrete supplier within 60 miles of Austin refused to supply materials. Construction stopped.

I can hear the gun-control advocates applauding this now. "This is the kind of victory you can win if you just mobilize the people. This is a model for advancing progressive issues in every community."

But that's not exactly what happened. First, the project was to build a Planned Parenthood clinic. Second, the group leading the effort was the Austin Area Pro-Life Contractors and Suppliers, and their chairman said that Planned Parenthood was "a social movement that promotes sexual chaos, especially of our youth."

So, instead of applauding the "devoted efforts of a grass-roots coalition," some liberals are smearing the Austin Area Pro-Life Contractors and Suppliers as being members of the "shock troops of the right wing." Gee, Wally. Why would the shoe pinch so much when it's on the other foot?

2003-11-07T16:47:00.000-06:00

Words That Used To Mean Something Department: Bryan Preston and I have been discussing what the appropriate term is for the "enemy combatants" who are currently trying to make life difficult for US forces in Iraq. (The post that started it is here, the disussion is in the comments.) One of the points I wanted to make was that we have to be sure we're applying words like "terrorist" to the right people for the right reasons, or we're contributing to the neutering of a perfectly good word. I pointed out how "fascist" used to have a specific meaning, but now it's just a convenient word some people use to smear those who disagree with them.

Elsewhere on the web, Matt Kaufman notes that politcal correctness has run amok, resulting in the words "discriminatory" and "hate speech" being applied to things they don't apply to.

That got me to thinking about words that used to mean something, but don't anymore. The following words came to mind (including those already mentioned:

fascist
racist
bigot
homophobe
diversity
tolerance
mean-spirited
hate speech
discrimination

I'm sure there are others; use the comments to nominate your [un]favorite.

2003-11-07T11:01:00.000-06:00

Ain't It The Truth Department: My Dave Barry page-a-day calendar has been the source of much amusement and enlightenment this year. Take today's entry...

Stores LOVE service agreements, for the same reason you'd love to have money fall on you from the sky. As a result, when you buy a product today, you get this bizarre multiple-personality sales pitch, because at the same time that the salesperson is telling you how swell the product is, he's suggesting it will need a LOT of service:

SALESPERSON: "...so this is an excellent product. Totally reliable."

YOU: "I'll take it!"

SALESPERSON: "It's going to break"

YOU: "What?"

SALESPERSON: "Thereis this thing inside? The confabulator? You're lucky if that baby lasts you a week."

YOU: "So you're saying it's NOT a good product?"

SALESPERSON: "No! It's top of the line! Totally dependable!"

Uh-huh.

2003-11-06T13:54:00.000-06:00

That Sound You Hear: I wonder if the guys who made this could make a violin? That way we can play "My Heart Bleeds For You" for poor 'iddle Babsie, now that those mean old Conservatives have persuaded CBS to dump that Reagan smear-fest.

2003-11-03T16:22:00.000-06:00

Evidence That Demands A Verdict Department: I was already convinced that Fidel Castro is an evil dictator. But the Washington Post has a story of Castro doing something that shows the depths of his depravity.

Cuban President Fidel Castro praised California Gov.-elect Arnold Schwarzenegger's muscles but wondered how much brain power the former Mr. Universe has.

"To judge from the photographs, he has a lot of muscle, but they have not tested him to see how much muscle he has in the brain," the bearded revolutionary quipped during a five-hour speech Friday evening closing a Latin American social sciences conference. [Emphasis added.]

A five-hour speech?!?! Oh, the humanity!

2003-10-31T16:16:00.000-06:00

Survey Department: Is it "buck naked" or "butt naked?" Reply in the comments.

2003-10-31T14:31:00.000-06:00

Laughing At The Devil Department: What should a Christian do about Halloween? I haven't changed my mind since last year.

2003-10-31T13:36:00.000-06:00

There Can Be Only One Department: OK, so it isn't a legitimate googlewhack. But it's still pretty awesome to know that mine is the only site that comes up with this search. (Ed: Yeah, but for how long?)

2003-10-31T13:25:00.000-06:00

Other Types Of Tricks And Treats Department: I just had to laugh when I read this one.

A man described by authorities as a known sexual predator was chased through the streets of South Philadelphia by an angry crowd of Catholic high school girls, who kicked and punched him after he was tackled by neighbors, police said Friday.

Is this an example of what Prof. Reynolds would call "a pack, not a herd"?

UPDATE: I just checked the Instapundit site, and that is exactly what he called it.

2003-10-31T10:02:00.000-06:00

Back In The Saddle Department: After more than a year of hiatus, Mark Butterworth is back and blogging!

2003-10-31T09:10:00.000-06:00

Spelling Bee Department: Andrew Stuttaford takes a walk on the wiccan side, as he examines some of the titles for Willow wannabes available at Barnes and Noble. Don't worry, he's only looking for laughs, and he finds them.

But, for all the Celtic cornpone, Samhain kitsch and olde-tyme gibberish, there are still some reminders that this is a 21st-century magnet for the modern, the mercenary, and the motivated. Deborah Gray, "Australia's good witch," is keen to help these strivers out. Her Spells to Get Ahead Pack: All the Magic You Could Possibly Need in One Witchy Pack is out on display, witchy pack after witchy pack after witchy pack (each complete with "pouches and phials to add power to your charms, plus a special magic crystal") to help "the ambitious girl" in her quest to "be gorgeous, be rich, be avenged, be a winner!" Be avenged? Good witches, clearly, are not what they were.

Yeah. Whatever happened to "If it harm none, do as thou wilt"?

There's a lot less certainty when the discussion turns to Gerald Gardner. Gardner, writes Cerelia, "holds the distinction of bringing contemporary Witchcraft to the modern world." Indeed he does. Somewhat awkwardly for those who maintain that Wicca is descended from an ancient cult of the Goddess, this retired British civil servant made most of it up sometime in the 1940s and 1950s. The eccentric Mr. Gardner's pastimes were not confined to witchcraft. He was also a keen naturist and a fan of flagellation. Cerelia grumbles that many of Gardner's "personal likes and fantasies" may have crept into the rites that he developed. Indeed they did. As she notes, the insistence that witches had to be "skyclad" (naked) while practicing their craft was "probably" (probably?) his idea, and her description of the initiation ceremonies in Gardnerian Witchcraft does seem to include a remarkable amount of binding, blindfolding and "whipping with cords."

"Ancient cult of the Goddess," my arse. The Apologetics Index uses a very appropriate phrase to describe the approach of Wicca: "create your own religion."

2003-10-29T13:57:00.000-06:00

Blog Meets Blogroll Department: My Four Walls has joined an elite list: blogs that link to Dispatches from Outland. Way to go, guys! You have earned this much-sought-after recognition, and a place on my blogroll.

2003-10-29T11:59:00.000-06:00

I Still Can't Find What I'm Looking For Department: Someone came here with the search string "I need someone to help me find cash somewhere." Have you tried under the sofa cushions?

2003-10-28T09:13:00.000-06:00

By The Numbers Department:

I was hoping to score better than 62% good. Perhaps it's just as well that I didn't; don't want to get too proud.

Nota bene: While this analysis of DfO was an exercise in silliness, the work it was based on has some interesting implications--or maybe not. Ivan Panin and all the other pattern-finders have theirdetractors. You can find a boat-load of links about this whole arena of discussion and dispute here.

2003-10-27T21:31:00.000-06:00

Difficult But Necessary Steps Department: The steps we are to follow when someone who claims to be a Christian falls into sin are fairly clear cut, but we tend to avoid taking these steps because it can be "unpleasant." My hat is off to Patrick Poole for attempting this difficult task.

For the sake of the Body of Christ, someone has to make the unequivocal call for the Christian community to stop funding Randall Terry and his continued open rebellion against God. There have been countless opportunities for others more morally and spiritually qualified than I to make this call, but most of those that have been made aware of these mounting charges and facts have failed in their Christian obligation to do so. Because there are few people lining up to speak out about his well-documented moral failings and financial fraud, and in light of current circumstances, I feel compelled to act.

Read it all, and pray for all involved.

2003-10-24T09:16:00.000-05:00

500 Lawyers At The Bottom Of The Ocean Department: I try not to despise lawyers as a group. I really do. But then I read something like this, about a small woodworking tool company that's packaging a master jig with an EULA (that is, and End-User License Agreement).

...the Stots license says TemplateMaster may be used “in only one shop by the original purchaser only” and that “you may not allow individuals that did not purchase the original Product (to) use the Product or any templates produced using the Product…”

A FAQ document on the Stots website explains that the license is necessary because “the purpose of the TemplateMaster is to clone itself. Therefore we are verifying your honesty that only you will use the tool and you will not be passing it around to others to use for free. It is exactly the same as the ‘shrink wrap’ agreement that comes with almost all computer software. Please help us fight ‘tool piracy’.”

OK, I'm going to start licensing Dispatches from Outland. Let see...

"This Dispatches from Outland Reader License Agreement is a legaly binding agreement between you (you) and the publisher (me) of Dispatches from Outland (this weblog). By reading this weblog, you agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. This weblog is licensed to you, the reader, for your personal reading only. If you quote or link to this weblog in your weblog (your weblog), you hereby assign all rights of your weblog to me." Eh. Maybe not.

If you really want an earfull on this, check out the conversation over at Slashdot.

By the way, the headline is from the joke: What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

2003-10-22T09:18:00.000-05:00

Don't Try To Confuse Me Department: Theologian Guy makes a connection between something his Greek professor says and the recent announcement by [ahem] Rev. Gene Robinson (the gay bishop) that he'd only step down if God told him to.

Folks, this is the "whispering Jesus" my professor Carroll Osburn often talks about in our advanced Greek class. This is the "I've got a direct line to God" kind of theology in which God tells people to do things, regardless of what God might have already said about it in Scripture.

Maybe I'm twisting scripture here, but I can't help but thinking that when Jesus quotes Abraham (in the parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus) as saying "'If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead," he was talking about this sort of thing.

God speaks through a number of means, including the Bible. If Robinson was not going to be convinced by Scripture, or by the clear teaching of nearly 2,000 years worth of church leaders who take their direction from Scripture, then he "will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead." He's made up his mind.

But then again, perhaps God will have a word with him.

2003-10-22T08:38:00.000-05:00

Come On FHQWHGADS Department: James Lileks noted some things he likens to curious blips on the radar.

As you may have read - not in newspapers, heaven forfend - a large portion of the blogworld has been crippled by attacks on the company that hosted a pro-Israel website, and the attacks are coming from servers that host Al Qaeda groups. This makes me uneasy; there’s something else going on here, I think. It’s like hearing reports from Alaska radar stations of peculiar blips on the screen. Someone’s testing something.

What do we call these guys? Script Qiddies? Haqers? How about: Jew-Hating Gynophobic Devil Pawns, or JHGDPs for short? (Pronounced: Je-hig-dip.)

I think StrongBad would like that last one.

2003-10-20T11:14:00.000-05:00

Holy Places Department: So what's the big deal about a rabbi visiting a synagogue? It's not simply the fact that this synagogue houses tomb of the prophet Nahum, although that's pretty amazing. It's not the setting, although the fact that this takes place in the Iraqi village of Al-Kosh is striking. What moved me most about this story was the emotional reactions of the rabbi, and that of the villagers, who are Syrian Christians.

By this time, the Christian citizens of Al-Kosh had called the caretaker – a man who lived next door. He unlocked the front gate and the synagogue began to fill with men, women, and children. They asked my translator who I was and what I was doing. He explained that I was a rabbi from the American Army, and that I wanted to pray in this ancient place.

The elders were surprised, but there was a smile on their faces. Somehow they felt that something holy was going on. They quickly told all the children to be quiet and leave because a Jewish holy man had come.

[. . .]

As we prepared to leave, they asked us if there was anything we could do to restore the synagogue. We told them we could not. But would a Jewish house of worship in the middle of their village be welcome?

Their answer gave us hope in humanity. They said they would be honored to have such a holy place restored to its original condition. They felt it was a national treasure. The caretaker told us that as long as God granted him life he would defend the holiness of the place. As he said this, the other villagers nodded in agreement.

As the man said: go read the whole thing.

2003-10-16T10:23:00.000-05:00

Seek And Ye Shall Find Department: Huh. Someone came to my site searching for an atheist halloween costume. I dunno why you'd want one; I never thought Madalyn Murray O'hare was all that scary.

What does a dawk look like, anyway?

2003-10-15T14:02:00.000-05:00

All In Good Fun, But . . . Department: Our church is one of thousands across the country taking part in the 40 Days of Purpose campaign that has individuals and churches working through Rick Warren's book, The Purpose-Driven Life. Wade Hodges was having some fun with that idea recently, commenting that he was thinking about something called "10 Days of Meaninglessness."

It would be based on Ecclesiastes and would hopefully leave us all cold, naked, and shivering on the floor of our existential angst.

I got a chuckle out of that, but then I started reading the comment thread, and I started to wonder what motivation behind the jabs at Rick Warren and the "40 Days" campaign might be. OK, I have no problem with a bit of good-natured ribbing; I think we need to be able to laugh at ourselves. But could it be that maybe there's just a teensy bit of "This thing is so popular, and I'm above following all the proles in something like this."?

No, I'm not saying that Wade, or the commenters are a bunch of elitists. But I am saying that the tendency to want to be a part of the elite, to view yourself as above everyone else, is an often-ignored but very real and nasty part of our nature. It's a facet of pride, and it sneaks into our behavior in many ways. C.S. Lewis illustrated this very well in Mark Studdock's behavior in That Hideous Strength.

We're human, thus you can find flaws in any human endeavor. That includes The Purpose-Driven Life and the "40 Days of Purpose" campaign. Let's acknowledge the very real flaws in things. But let's not let our pride provoke us into poking holes in things that do have a positive impact in a believer's walk.

2003-10-14T08:28:00.000-05:00

Interview Time! Department: Here are the questions for King's Kid.
1. You’re one of several bloggers who uses a pseudonym. Why did you decide to use a nickname?
2. Aside from the Bible, what is the one book or author that has had the greatest impact on your Christian walk?
3. Did you come to your current political and social views from the opposite end of the spectrum, or would you say you were more or less born into them?
4. What would be on the menu of your ideal meal, and what three people (real or fictional, currently living or historical) would you like to share it with?
5. From the sublime to the ridiculous: If you were a Veggie Tales character, what vegetable would you be and why?

2003-10-13T14:14:00.000-05:00

The Heart Of The Matter Department: Real Life Preacher nails it in a post with the delightful sub-title "Message from God: All your heart are belong to us." He opens by saying "Love is God's mafia. Children are her hit men. And just the other day I got whacked." and it just gets better from there.

The Creator says, “You might never call my name, or you might call me every name in the book. You may search for me all of your life, or you may never give me a second thought, but you WILL know how I felt on the day I made you.”

“You might deny my existence, but you will never be able to deny the mark of my palm on your soft hearts. Your hearts will rise up and call you blessed.”

“Your hearts will tell you who you are, and whose you are.”

2003-10-10T16:58:00.000-05:00

Face The Blogosphere Department: Announcing the long-overdue answers for Valerie! (Sorry I took so stinking long.)

1) What was the first job you ever had and how has that experience impacted your current work?
Well, growing up on a farm, the first job I can clearly recall was picking rocks. Rocks are hard on farm machinery, and North Dakota is full of Canadian rocks, deposited here by the glaciers that rolled through during the last ice age. So my brothers and I would walk through the fields in the spring, alongside the loader tractor, picking up rocks and tossing them into the loader bucket. That experience taught me that sucky jobs won't kill you.

2) What is your church/denominational history?
Grew up attending a Lutheran church, but now I'm attending a Baptist church.

3) What is your favorite story about one of your ancestors?
Oooh, there are a lot of good ones. Like one about my great-grandfather John Monson. , who picked out a homestead site in northwest North Dakota, then went back to his home in Iowa to marry my great-grandmother Olena. John then returned to the homestead alone, built a sod house and got things going on the farmstead before Olena came. I'l let my mother tell the rest of the story: "He met her at the train in Bowbells, changed his voice somewhat, and said to her, "Can I carry your bag, lady"? She said, "NO! I'll carry it myself!" She didn't recognize him as he hadn't had a shave or haircut since she last saw him."
But I think I have to say that my favorite story involves another great-grandfather, Olaf Strathe, and how he and his wife narrowly escaped dying in a blizzard in 1941. Here's the story as he relates it in a letter to one of his daughters:
"Dear Kids,
"Just a few lines this morning to let you know we are still living after that awful storm. See by the paper that it didn't hit you so bad.
"Sure was terrible here, and so many were out in it and froze to death.
"Mother and I went to Hope - it was snowing quite thick when we left, but the wind was in the south, and so warm, we didn't think anything of it and not far to town.
"Bob Reichert went in with us. When we got about 3 miles from home, the wind switched to northwest, and all of a sudden it was so thick we couldn't see 2 ft. ahead of us. Our car got wet and stopped 1/2 mile from town. We held hands and tried to go to town, but the wind was so strong and the wet snow made it impossible to face, so we went back to the car which was only a few rods back.
"So Bob started back for Oxton's which was over a mile but with the storm. He got my flashlight. got there OK but no body home-they were all in town. So he found himself cap, mittens and a fur coat, lit the lamp, put it in the window -grabbed 2 more flashlights that were handy on a table and started back for our car where we were. Can't see for the life of me how he made it against the wind, and so thick you couldn't see nothing. But you know there was an almighty hand that guided him. We had gotten wet from the fine snow sifting in, so the only thing to do was for us all to try to get back to Oxton's. We all held hands and started off and made it. But only God knows how we got there.
"Mother froze her legs pretty bad but she'll be OK. We stay at Genevieve's so Dr. is over 2 - 3 times a day. He was just here now and said she's getting along fine.
"So don't worry, we'll be fine but will take time. We have God and Bob Reichert to thank for being alive.
"Sure was terrible. So many lost their lives to try and save their dear ones. And so many mothers and fathers lost children.
"My dear children, don't ever think there is no God. there is. That I know better now than ever before. So let us try to live and do the best we know how according to God's will. Please don't worry about Mother. She'll be OK after a few days.
Yours, Mother, Dad and all"

4) Congratulations! You've just won an all-expenses-paid, 30-day trip to anywhere outside North America. Where do you go and why?
I'm torn between Australia and Europe. Australia because it's an absolutely fascinating country, with so much varied geography and wildlife, and Europe because there's just so darn much history, everywhere you go.

5) Alas! Upon returning from foreign parts, you are arrested, tried, found guilty and sentenced to five years in solitary confinement. You are allowed to take a Bible and three other books with you. Which books do you choose and why?
I'm going to cheat and say number one is an omnibus edition of The Lord of the Rings; I could re-read that one many times and not grow tired of it. Number two, maybe The Imitation of Christ, by Thomas a Kempis; I've meant to read that one for a while, and I think that being in solitary would tend to help me focus on the deep spirituality of Kempis' work. Number three . . . I really can't decide. Gentle readers, can you help me figure it out?

By the way, here are the rules for this interview thing:
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal or blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

2003-09-30T15:29:00.000-05:00

Hear Hear Department: John Derbyshire aroused the wrath of Andrew Sullivan by calling AIDS "a fashionable venerial disease. Derb defends himself thus:

Millions of Americans are suffering in agony and destitution right now because they are afflicted with diseases that neither Barbra Streisand, nor Elizabeth Taylor, nor Michael Jackson, ever wore a cute ribbon for, and for which the U.S. Congress never passed a special bill providing free home care, including free meals, at federal taxpayers' expense. Those people, and their distraught relatives, are entitled to feel — and, they tell me, actually do feel — that their faces are being spat on by people like Sullivan, who lobby for ever more public and private money to be spent on research into AIDS, and therefore, since the supply of money is finite, subtracted from research into less fashionable diseases.

I do not begrudge AIDS sufferers my compassion, but I do begrudge them the priority they claim on my compassion — not to mention my money — for what they often suffer as a consequence of their own lust, folly, carelessness, lack of restraint, and lack of self-respect.

2003-09-29T08:41:00.000-05:00

Not-So-Deep Thoughts Department: Calvin is at it again.

"I say a day without denial is a day you've got to face."

2003-09-24T13:37:00.000-05:00

Toys For Tots Department: Now this is a cool idea. Chief Wiggles is stationed in Iraq, and he'd like donations of toys for Iraqi kids. Check out the details on his blog.

Update: Here's a snippet from the post that kind of got this whole thing started. The chief is describing an encounter with a poor Iraqi child:

As I made my way back over to the front gate, I saw the little girl and her mother waiting patiently anticipating my return, not knowing why I had asked them to wait. Bending down I handed her the items one by one, as I explained what each item was, to insure she knew what I was giving her, especially as I gave her the toothbrush, asking her to be sure to brush everyday.

Her eyes lit up with such joy as I put the monkey arms over her head. She was so excited to receive everything, being somewhat shy though, not having dealt with an American before. She was so precious as her big brown eyes looked up at me, causing me to almost breakdown into tears as I walked away quickly so as to not bring too much attention to the little girl from the on looking crowd.

What a moment! In my own little way, I am influencing and affecting the attitudes of Iraqis one person at a time, taking baby steps, one experience at a time. My sphere of influence is small in comparison to the task at hand, but who knows what the ripple affect will be of my small effort to calm the tears of one sweet little girl. Thanks to my team mates back home who made this moment possible by sending me the toys to hand out to Iraqi children. I have only one request of them and others please send me more toys.

I know how the chief feels. A few years back, I participated in Operation Carelift, going to Moscow to distribute school supplies and other relief items to schools and orphanages. You can't imagine what it's like to visit one of those orphanages and hand one of those kids a package full of gifts.

2003-09-24T11:32:00.000-05:00

Face The Blogosphere Department: There's an interview meme going around among bloggers, and Dave King of IdeaJoy fame is interviewing me. (Dave's questions are in italics, my answers in regular type.) Dave has selected a theme for this interview; see if you can figure out what it is.

Dave King: Fargo best known for the movie of the same name. Is that a good thing?

Well, it's sort of like having your nose hair grow in ringlets: it's a talking point. Shortly after the movie came out, I was in Seattle with a couple of co-workers for a conference. We were squeezing in some sighseeing at Pike Place Market, and we overheard a couple of people talking about the movie, so introduced ourselves as being from Fargo. It can be an interesting conversation starter, but that happens less frequently now.

On the other hand, it's sort of like having your nose hair grow in ringlets. Very few of us actually talk like that, we don't live on a frozen tundra, the story was very loosely based on a true story (nobody was killed; the "conspiracy," such as it was fell apart very quickly because the conspirators were even more inept than in the movie), and besides all of that, very little of the story actually took place in Fargo!

DK: What's the best thing about Fargo?

Wide open spaces. I'm a couple of hours away from Minnesota's pine forests, less than an hour away from the lakes, half a day away from the Badlands, and minutes away from open farmland. You can see the sunset and the sunrise. Summer days are long. We have four very definite seasons, and I love seeing the prairie in all of them.

DK: What's the worst thing about Fargo?

Some might say it's the winters, but that isn't it for me; I love winter, even the blizzards.

I'm having a hard time with the "worst thing" thing, because it varies depending on my mood. Last year I would have said "road construction" because there was nowhere in town you could go without having to deal with it. Right now, I'd most likely say "Midwestern 'niceness' that keeps people from dealing with conflict in a constructive manner," because of some life issues.

DK: What do you call someone from Fargo?

Well, I don't call them this, but the term I've heard others use is "Fargoan." (A bit dorky, innit?) I'm much more likely to say "Fargo native" or "Fargo resident." Not as catchy as "New Yorker" but there it is.

DK: Are you a native son of Fargo?

Nope. I've lived here for half of my life, but I grew up on a farm near the very small North Dakota community of Luverne. (Town Motto: "Don't blink!") How small was it? I tell people that I graduated in the top ten of my high school class. There were eleven of us.

It's been a bit of a rough stretch for Luverne, and for significant pieces of my childhood. The church I grew up attending burned down about a year ago (although they've rebuilt), and they tore down the school, which hadn't been used for about 20 years.

By the way, here's how this interview thing works:
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal or blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions

2003-09-23T15:53:00.000-05:00

Shocking News Department: This is a sad day for sleuths everywhere, and a serious blow to the cause of justice. Leroy "Encyclopedia" Brown has been murdered.

IDAVILLE, FL—Police are currently investigating the death of police detective Leroy "Encyclopedia" Brown, 49, whose body was discovered in a Dumpster behind the Idaville Public Library Monday.

Detective Brown's death is a great loss," said Idaville Police Commissioner Rupert "Bugs" Meany, a longtime critic of Brown's unorthodox investigative technique who nevertheless appeared to be shaken by the murder. "Thanks to him, Idaville has the highest arrest-to-conviction-due-to-obscure-trivia rate in the nation. I believe I speak for everyone in Idaville when I say that Encyclopedia Brown was truly the greatest sleuth in sneakers."

I only hope that someone will be able to bring the killer to justice.

2003-09-23T10:16:00.000-05:00

Telling It Like It Is Department: Just got a note from my brother on the Ten Commandments monument that was removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building.

The Ten Commandments display was removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can't post Thou Shalt Not Steal in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile work environment.

There's also that "Bearing False Witness" thing .....

2003-09-22T16:34:00.000-05:00

Another Way Of Looking At It Department: Steven Waldman looks at the ongoing controversy surrounding Mel Gibson's movie, The Passion, and comes up with a different answer to the question "Who killed Jesus?"

The complexity of that debate notwithstanding, it is clear that the Crucifixion and Resurrection are central to the faith. While the Crucifixion in itself wasn't a good thing, it was, according to much Christian doctrine, an entirely necessary and pre-ordained thing. Without it, Christianity as we know it wouldn't exist.

So, really the answer to the question "Who killed Jesus?" should be: Who cares? Theologically, the answer is irrelevant, which means Christians can stop blaming Jews and Jews can stop being defensive. And people of both faiths can get back to disagreeing about more important things like whether you get more presents at Hanukkah or Christmas.

2003-09-22T16:19:00.000-05:00

The Soul Of Wit Department: Some of Jesus' less-well-known parables have been published by the gang over at the Ship of Fools. One of the shorter ones is:

There once was a man who was travelling from Jerusalem to Jericho. He knew that one road was known for having robbers and bandits on it, so he went another much safer way.

2003-09-18T08:38:00.000-05:00

Ain't It The Truth Department: Lileks again:

There’s no more instructive example of the basic facts of human nature than the daily life of a three-year old.

And following this astute observation, James lets fly with a screed about people who just don't get it.

2003-09-17T11:03:00.000-05:00

On The Cutting Edge Of Science Department: The inimitable Scrappleface does it again with this headline story: Couple Creates Embryo In 'Home Lab'

An unidentified British couple announced today that they have succeeded in creating an embryo and implanting it in the woman's uterus despite their lack of scientific training.

The reaction of the so-called scientific community is predictable:

"These people were amateurs trying to play God, without university credentials or peer review," said an unnamed editor at the journal Science. "We call upon the government of Great Britain and the United Nations to adopt international protocols for reproductive experimentation. If left unchecked, millions of couples may experiment with such procedures thereby stripping scientists of their proper place in the circle of life."

2003-09-12T08:35:00.000-05:00

Good Advice Department: From James Lileks, reflecting on yesterday:

At some point you just tire of putting it all in solemn, respectful terms, and you think: this day just sucks and it’s always going to suck. Terrorism sucks. War sucks. Death sucks. Murder sucks even harder.

Then you’re home. Barky dog, happy daughter, lovely smiling wife. This lifts the spirits. A pizza helps. Play with Gnat; give Jasper a bath, which he endures better than he usually does. Sunset comes. It starts to rain.

It hasn’t rained here in seven weeks. The lawns are dead; the trees sag; even hardy evergreens have brown dead boughs. We need rain. And here it is: steady, calm, insistent. Health and life pouring back into the ground. It brings you back around; standing on the porch I thought: day's done, family's fine, and the trees are having a drink. I'm grateful for this.

Note to self: be grateful more often.

2003-09-11T11:22:00.000-05:00

Ringing In Sheaves Department: Jeff Cunningham compares the eschatoloty of Left Behind with The Lord of the Rings. Guess which he prefers? Here's a snippet:

Left Behind expects the darkness to overtake the world of men and that their efforts are mostly in vain. LOTR expects that redeemed men will act and rise up against injustice and encroaching evil. The King has indeed returned and now the task of clearing out the ruffians is upon us – when He returns again it will be not for establishing His throne, but to consummate all things to Himself. The war has already been won, and we merely fight the battles.

2003-09-11T09:24:00.000-05:00

Two Years Ago Department: Two years ago, on my previous blog (no longer on the web), I wrote this:

God have mercy.

There are so many thoughts and emotions running around inside me right now.

Horror and sorrow for those killed. God have mercy on them and their families.

Anger, rage, cold fury. God have mercy on me.

Questions. How could our intellegence agencies not have an inkling that something of this magnitude was in the works? How could at least 4 airliners for major airlines be hijacked on the same day? What happened to the airport security measures? Who is responsible?

I read one pundit who made reference to the "Archie Bunker" solution to airline security: Give each passenger a handgun. I begin to wonder if that wouldn't have prevented today's tragedies.

God have mercy on us.

2003-09-11T08:57:00.000-05:00

Two Years Later Department: I was in my car, on my way to work when I heard that the first airplane had hit one of the towers. "What a horrible accident," I thought.

As time went on, and we learned more about what was going on in New York, and then at the Pentagon, and then in Pennsylvania, my feelings gradually turned to shock, and then anger. I wanted to find the bastards responsible and take them out. Note that: "take them out." Not "bring them to justice."

A good deal of my anger wasn't directed at the terrorists, though. I was mad at Satan, for the lies he told the perpetrators of 9-11. For all the lies, all down through the years that gave us the killing fields of Cambodia, the Holocaust, the KKK, the millions of victims of Mao and Stalin, and on and on.

The anger has subsided somewhat. I hesitate to say it has cooled; it's still there, but it's rather more like a bed of coals than a roaring flame. But further consideration has turned that anger away from Satan and back at humanity. Sure, Satan is a liar, and he's doing what he can to thwart God's will. But we're the one's listening to his whispers, despite what we know about God (and we know far more than we admit to each other and ourselves).

But above the anger is awe. I am amazed that God can still love us, and can still forgive us. That's where I stand, two years later.

2003-09-10T09:56:00.000-05:00

Good Questions Department: Lileks asks:

We should be neutral about two suicide bombings in one day?

When we read a story about an emergency-room doctor blown up with his daughter, and we read about people pouring into the streets to celebrate the doctor's death, we should look deep into our hearts and find that most precious commodity: eternal forebearance of Jew-killers.

An even better question is posed by Jeff Jacoby, as quoted by Jay Nordlinger. Jacoby tells of a visit he made to Auschwitz with his father, who was the only member of his family to survive Auschwitz.

When we were in Auschwitz — in the huge section called Birkenau, the part of the camp where the trains pulled in, where the selection took place, where the gas was — my dad and I saw a large group of Israeli students. They had come on some kind of school program, and as we walked along a path near the crematoria, these Israeli kids overtook us. Like school groups everywhere, they were loud and boisterous, joking and laughing with each other.

I can't tell you how offended I was. "Shut up!" I wanted to tell them. "Have some decency! You're in Auschwitz. This is the biggest Jewish graveyard on earth. Don't you realize how many people were murdered here? How many Jews died just for being Jews? You're laughing here? In Auschwitz?"

And then, suddenly, I had a change of heart. And I said to my father: "Who do you think would be more appalled to know that all these Jewish kids are running around and laughing in this place — your mother? Or Adolf Eichmann? Who would be more revolted? Who would feel more defeated?" [Emphasis added.]

While the students Jacoby tells about didn't know, or perhaps had forgotten the moment of the place they were visiting, their laughter was not out of place. Yes, we mourn those who were murdered, but we can also laugh because the evil of Hitler, with that stupid little mustache, asinine dreams of "Aryan supremacy" and his ridiculous goose-stepping sycophants, was beaten.

When my father died, we cried. But we were able to laugh, too. How can you laugh at a time like that? We laughed when we remembered my father, because he was a man who loved to laugh, and he did some funny things. Some of the most joyous, the deepest, and the richest laughter you will hear comes in the face of sorrow and tragedy. It has to be joyous, deep, and rich in order to bubble up through the tears and pain.

Some people don't like it when we laugh at funerals. But like the story Jacoby tells, we can ask "Who do you think would be more offended by our laughter? The person we mourn today, or Satan? Who would be more offended? Who would feel more defeated?" Christians, more than anyone else, should be able to laugh. Satan, for all his bluster, his deceit, and his attacks, is beaten. To the Christian who's armed and ready, he's a joke; a ridiculous posturing figure who thought he could take the place of his Creator. Even death should not smother our laughter.

We can laugh because we're in on the joke. We never tire of hearing the set-up. And can you imagine the laughter in Heaven when the most powerful punchline of history was delivered? "He is not here; he has risen."

2003-09-09T09:09:00.000-05:00

Things You'll Never See Department: Democrats complaining that the Department of Education is getting involved in a quagmire ("The situation is deteriorating rapidly; I don't think we realize what we've gotten ourselves into"), and questioning requests for more funding ("I want to know exactly what this money will be used for").

2003-09-05T13:34:00.000-05:00

From The Head Office Department: Why do the Ten Commandments -- the Decalogue -- matter so much? Simply because they are so much more than a set of rules posted on the wall.

The Decalogue is not an exhaustive summary, but a suggestive summary. It does not include all of our natural moral knowledge, but it either states, implies, or presupposes a good deal of it. For example, the First Commandment states that only God is to be worshipped as God, but it presupposes the knowledge of God as well as several principles of justice, including the principle of gratitude and the principle "Give to each what is due to him." The Sixth Commandment states merely that adultery is wrong, but it presupposes the institution of matrimony, and implies that there is something special about it, thereby suggesting a much broader norm of sexual purity. The Eighth Commandment states merely that one must not bear false witness, but it presupposes provisions for public justice, and suggests that we should seek to extend the truthfulness of relationships in general. To elucidate every implication and presupposition of the Decalogue would take more than a chapter, indeed more than a set of books.

From What We Can't Not Know: A Guide by J. Budziszewski.

You're likely to see a bit more about this book, and natural law, in this space, as I've just started reading this book.

2003-09-04T08:42:00.000-05:00

Tsunami Department: That smoke you smell is the Outland server trying to keep up with an Instalanche.

Something that surprised me was that, although I had close to a thousand visits yesterday when Glenn Reynolds linked to my post on the death-penalty protesters, only one of them added a comment. None of the others had anything to say?