Dispatches from Outland
A little song. A little dance. A little seltzer down your pants. Copyright © 2003 Roy M. Jacobsen.


Friday, November 08, 2002  

Ironymongery Department: Planned Parenthood demands parental consent! Yes, you read that right, but in this case, it isn't about abortion. If a child under age 18 wants to submit artwork or a poster to their "Roe at 30" contest, they have to have a parent or guardian sign a consent form.

PoMo thinking on display again: Keeping two mutually incompatible thoughts in your head simultaneously, and not even grasping the conflict.

Irony abounds. (Link via Religious Left Watch.)

posted by Roy M. Jacobsen at 1:07 PM
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Commercials We'd Like To See Department: Anakin Skywalker's "Switch" commercial.

(Link via How Now BrownPau.)

posted by Roy M. Jacobsen at 9:40 AM
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Wednesday, November 06, 2002  

OK, comments are back, courtesy of Haloscan. I switched systems, so the old ones are unavailable. Sorry.

posted by Roy M. Jacobsen at 10:31 PM
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Tuesday, November 05, 2002  

Sales Department: John Derbyshire has a nice exploration of what's funny. He includes a number of favorites, including this one:

A man looking to buy some provisions goes into a store whose sign says PROVISIONS. He is surprised to find that there is nothing to be seen inside the store but bags of salt. There are bags of salt on all the shelves, bags of salt in the display cases, bags of salt on the counter. "Can I help you, Sir?" says the storekeeper. "Well," says the customer, "I was really looking for provisions, but all I see here is bags of salt." Storekeeper: "Oh, this is nothing. You should see the basement. Salt, stacked from floor to ceiling!" Customer: "I guess you must sell a lot of salt." "Hardly any, actually." "Really? But your whole store is full of nothing but bags of salt!" Storekeeper: "Listen. Me, I'm no good. I can't sell salt. But the guy who sells me salt ? boy, can he sell salt!"

posted by Roy M. Jacobsen at 4:39 PM
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You Are Not Here Department: One of the best 404 pages I've ever seen is here. (At least it's there as of press time; Lileks may fix the link in the meantime.)

posted by Roy M. Jacobsen at 1:27 PM
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Do As I Say Not As I Do Department: You just have to laugh at self-important Hollywood types like Babs. There are some real gems in this article over at PageSix.com, including this:

And don't forget the time Streisand urged everyone to conserve energy by hanging laundry outside on lines, rather than use electric clothes dryers. But when asked if Streisand herself was using a backyard clothesline, her spokesman said: "She never meant that it necessarily applied to her."

You just can't make this stuff up.
(Link via Cut On The Bias.)

posted by Roy M. Jacobsen at 9:23 AM
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In The Funny Pages Department: "People are quite at home with evil. It's fighting it that raises the dreadful specter of inconvenience." -- Pibgorn.

posted by Roy M. Jacobsen at 8:52 AM
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Monday, November 04, 2002  

Amen Department: In today's Coleman/Mondale debate, the following exchange took place:

A short time later, when Coleman asked Mondale, "Could you find common ground on the issue of partial birth abortion? Do you believe parents should be involved?" Mondale shot back that Coleman was "an arbitrary right-to-lifer." In what would become the most dramatic moment of the debate, Coleman answered that he and his wife had had two children who died young. "I have a deep and profound respect for the value of life," Coleman said. "It's not arbitrary. Please do not describe it as arbitrary."

The response knocked Mondale back on his feet. Even in an emotional moment, Coleman had kept his cool and respectful tone, leaving the former vice president without an effective response.


You go, Norm!

posted by Roy M. Jacobsen at 1:44 PM
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Wisdom In Unconventional Packages Department: "Armageddon is already at hand. Everywhere...but waged silently, by evil solidified in familiar molds. ... Armageddon isn't war... It's an infestation." -- Pibgorn

OK, maybe this doesn't get it exactly right. It seems to me that the Bible is fairly clear on this: there will be a battle to eclipse all other battles on the plain of Megiddo. On the other hand, there is also a strong tendency in the Church (especially the evangelical pews) to look for evil in the wrong places (playing LPs backwards looking for "subliminal, backwards-masked Satanic messages" was a big deal when I was in college), while overlooking the insidious evil that infuses our world.

posted by Roy M. Jacobsen at 8:29 AM
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